If there was a better way to go then it would find me

This is the most depressing ad I’ve ever seen.

What a perfect bachelor pad you’ll have! And in an awesome location like West Hollywood you’ll be right near lots of hip bars filled beautiful woman who won’t fuck you in your absurdly expensive shoebox.

UPDATE: And like that, suddenly the shoebox doesn’t seem so bad:

I am willing to rent out my bathroom in my 1 bedroom East Village home. My bathroom is large. You can easily put a twin air mattress in there. I only ask that when I need to use the bathroom, you or your air mattress are not in it. I do ask that when you are in the apartment, you confine yourself to the bathroom.

$400!

Gone, you’ll be gone, with all that we should be done

The Onion gone and done made funny my situation.
Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

via MY

Trying to catch the perfect wave, It’s coming now, come on let’s rave

I love this, a comment by “Anonymous Joe” on an article about “Joe the Plumber,” posted Wednesday November 5th 2008:

The Obama camp ran a masterful campaign with one mistake…a stop in little Holland, Ohio and one real question from a real American. I would bet that if he ever runs for office again he will not make the same mistake twice!!

Yeah! Stupid President Elect Obama won’t make a mistake like that again! I mean Obama’s such a dumbass he only won by 6 points! If he hadn’t met Sam the Tax Cheat I bet he would have won by a bajillion points!

Don’t They Don’t They Do My Love

Since I already don’t update this blog ever, I think it will come as no surprise that I have no intention of changing my ways. I aint’ shutting this motherfucker down, because sometimes I might write something. But I am not going to do it regularly.

I had hoped that my co-bloggers would blog, but they are fucking assholes. I dont know whats going on with them. A little birdie told me that Spanish was run over by a wagon and is dead. Though a human being told me that he is actually fine and that people don’t get run over by wagons anymore. I don’t know which to believe.  And Footsie? Well Footsie is a meth addict. So she probably sold her computer for meth. That’s what they do, those meth addicts.  Sell shit.

And the election is over. And Josh Lyman Rahm Emanuel is going to be Chief of Staff. And everything will be good and right.

And the internet sucks anyways. The best thing on it these daysis Daily Intel’s weekly run-down of Gossip Girl, which I enjoy almost as much as I do the show itself.

I bet I’ll have soemthing to say once Top Chef gets going.

We shall see.

I need someone to take some joy in something I do

I can’t believe the election is over.

What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I have spent every minute of the last two years thinking about this. What am I going to think about now? My life? Please God, no!

My life is in shambles! Don’t make me do it. Whenever I have the misfortune of thinking about my very silly existence I fall accursed to the ground, and sob, prostrated, uncontrollably.

I do have NBA League Pass, so I suppose I can just go back to worrying about the Lakers.  But I doubt that will end as succesfully as my current fascination. (Fuck you, Pau Gasol!)

Que Sera Sera whatever will be will be

I thought McCain gave a good concession. He seemed understandably sad. His motherfucking cunt supporters were shouting “Sarah! Sarah!’ I hate those people. I hate them so much. I don’t hate McCain. I hate the campaign he ran, and I hate his ideology and I have no respect for the decision to put Palin on the ticker. Also fuck his advisers who decided to rile up this nutjob crowed. I don’t hate McCain. I hate these fucking people.

Get ready for the next eight years, assholes. Eat some Egalitarian Liberalism!

P.S. After McCain stopped speaking, the song that was played on the stage was the theme song to Crimson Tide. Hilarity!

P.P.S. In that movie Denzel is proved right while Hackman is proved wrong. I GUARANTEE YOU THAT WHOEVER CHOSE THAT SONG KNEW THAT. ‘Cause that motherfucker be a racist who thinks all balck people are Denzel Washington. Fuck you, music choosing guy.

UPDATE: I have no recollection of writing this post. As with most things that I do when I’ve been drinking, I take no responsibility for it. Aslo Drunk Bend is way kinder about McCain than sober Bend, who hates John McCain. But Sober Bend is aware that its a sliding scale and he hates the nutjobs more by orders of magnitude.

Old Saint John on death row, he just waiting for a pardon

Predictions! Predictions! Aye, I say Predictions! Herald in the new day, I say!

Presidential Popular

Obama: 52.3

McCain 46.8

Electoral Vote

Obama : 353

McCain: 185

I almost want to give Obama Indiana’s 11 electoral votes because i think that will be close. I also think McCain has a chance at pulling the upset in New Hampshire and Nevada.

Senate

Dems (including Sanders and Lieberman): 59

Reps:41

-Georgia goes to a runoff and Chambliss wins

House

Dems; 253

Reps: 172

- ID-01 goes to Minnick

State Races

-New York Senate turns Democratic, as Dems win two Rep seats

-CA Prop 1 wins

-CA Prop 4 fails

-CA Prop 8 fails

That’s my prediction, as a liberal jewish metrosexual communist from the Upper West Side.

Oh, and middle America, here is said un-american’s drinking game for tomorrow:

Drinky-Drinky

House Races
1 Drink
CT-04-Himes
Il-10-Seals
MN-06-Trinklenberg
TX-22-Lampson
AZ-03-Lord
AK-AL-Berkowitz
CA-50-Leibham
NC-10-Johnson
TX-10-Doherty
IA-04-Greenwald
PA-12 Murtha
PA-11-Kanjorski
WA-08-Burner
2 Drinks
NE-02-Esch
VA-05-Perriello
ID-01-Minnick

Senate Races
1 drink
NC- Hagan
OR- Merkel
2 drinks
MN-Franken
3 drinks
GA-Martin (Runoff means 4 drinks; Martin Victory means 5 drinks)
5 Drinks
KY-Wicker
MS-Musgrove
6 Drinks
ME-Allen
TX-Noriega

Governor Races
Drink 1
WA-Gregoire
Drink 2
NC-Perdue
Drink 3
IN- Thompson

State Level
Drink 1
New York Senate flips
Drink 2
CA Prop 8 fails
Drink 3
CA Prop 4 Fails

Presidential States
1 Drink
VA
PA
NV
2 Drinks
OH
FL
NC
3 Drinks
MO
IN
4 Drinks
ND
MT
GA
Drink yourself to death
AZ

I know you like her, well i like her too

The simple fact that Hilzoy needed to write this qualification makes me hate Bush the Younger beyond belief, as though i didn’t already:

I’d like to give a shout-out to the Pittsburgh police. I know nothing about the officers who worked this case, but it seems unlikely that they are all Democrats, all Republicans, or all any political anything.

Imagine if somehow we could live a world where it wasn’t assumed that justice was tethered to political concerns?

I thought long and hard ’bout what I should say When life was at school, it just come out this way.

Why when I google “David Gregory” does this See Results for come up?

P.S. I can’t believe I just admitted to googling David Gregory

My eyes are open and now I see it’s all over for you and me

HAHAHAHAHA!

Fuck the New York Sun!

You deserve it you anti-subway bastards!