It’s like someone took a knife Edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley Through the middle of my skull

by Footsie

When I was in High School I was apart of a “Page to Stage” class. A group of like ten students wrote a play and then performed it. Two other girls in the class wrote a scene in which they- their characters- caledl each other “Cunts” to no end. They threw in variations of cunt: cunty, cunting, cuntacular etc… The reason for the scene was twofold: to “take back the word,” and to see if the school would actually let them get away with it. In the end the scene was cut after the first dress.

You’ve gotta be wondering why I’m telling you this.

Watching Sarah Palin’s speech last night at the RNC was perhaps the only time in the history of the world that someone has shouted cunt and other variatons thereof more times then was uttered in that scene.  That someone was me.

So let me just get it on record; SARAH PALIN IS A CUNTY CUNTERIFFIC CUNT.

i think you got the sickness i suggest you get it cured caught up in the mix, of a bottle full of fix

by Spanish

The Stupidest Thing You’ll Read Today:

If she [Gov. Palin] were clearly unqualified, McCain would not have selected her. If she were clearly qualified, she probably would have been the GOP’s presidential nominee.

Jay Cost was either drunk when he wrote that, or he has been murdered and someone from the Washington Post Op/Ed pages is using his nom de plume.

P.S. Bend was in Denver at the convention but somehow neglected to post a single thought.

ASSHOLE

They have never had the joy of a welfare christmas

Dearest,

I live in California, so it is with great curiosity that I pose this simple question regarding one of my state’s elected officials, if i may, withall do respect;

Why the fuck does Jane Harmon have all of this money?

All I know about Jane Harmon is that Pelosi- one of my “faves”- loathes her for some reason. Maybe it’s because Pelosi is too poor.

love,

Footsie

All your choices made you change your mind, now your calendar’s complete

by bend

I haven’t watched Hardball since Matthews came back from vacation, but what with the Biden pick I turned on MSNBC on the tiny tv in my dingy hotel room, and Damn, Tweety’s on fire!

I think I might be happy if I wasnt out with them

Hello all,

I am Spanish and I am here to please.

What the hell is wrong with you, you ask. Haven’t you a life? Haven’t you friends? Where’s your percentage in this?
I am blogging because I need to be adored. Simple.

Now I am going to completely forget that I agreed do this.
See you in a couple of months. (or possibly sooner)

They look at danger and they laugh their heads off

In the coming days you, Internet, are going to be introduced to two new bloggers here at Sidney’s, neither of whom, I should say, is the titular head of this here dohicky.

I’ve invited two friends of mine- Footsie and Spanish- to join me here because I am just to fucking lazy to post as often as I should. To say nothing of the fact that I am not terribly interesting alone.   I’ll let them introduce themselves at their leisure, save to say that this is now a bonafide international blog. I live in New York, Footsie lives out west in California, but Spanish lives in Britain, ergo facto we are like the U.N.

So Bend’s lonely reign is over. Now we will be governed by an awesome tripod of amazingness named Bend, Spanish and Footsie!

Im not like them But I can pretend

From the Totally-Not-Gay Jeffrey Gates in the comment section of the unbelievably stupid James Lewis blog, via Sadly, No!:

We need to stick together and knock the dick of these freaks into the dirt before things go too far.

Is this how Republicans generally speak? I confess I don’t know that many of them, but if they turn awesome phrases like “knocking the dick out” I just might have to find some. For some reason I can’t help but think of that terrible movie Varsity Blues. I bet that fat, drunken, suicidal, Piggy-like character would try and knock the dick out of something.

There’s an old man sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin

(actual phone conversation between bend and bend’s newly clean and sober friend)

bend: so how are you?

sober friend: i’m good. i don’t really think i’m an alcoholic.

bend: ’cause you aren’t jonesing?

sober friend: no, not really. not for booze.  i don’t really have any cravings normally at least not to drink. I mean, yeah, right now I do, but that just because I’m in an airport.

bend: (laughing) that’s a pretty alcoholic-ee thing to say.

sober friend: no, it’s not! airports are like that.

bend: (dying of laughter)

sober friend: i mean it’s true! have you ever been in an airport and not wanted to get drunk or high?

bend: No, but that’s because I’m an alcoholic and a drug-addict!

sober friend: (laughs) Ahh, I forgot about that.

My thereapist said not to see her no more Said you’re like a disease without any cure

Well it’s been about two or three months since I went thuroughly around the bend and suffered an utterly devastating nervouse breakdown, but now, kiddies, the summer is almost over and my mental health sick days are running out.

So I am back!

Henceforth your cup shall floweth over with my commentary much of it often sage and/or wittily hilarious.  Other times, perhaps more often than otherwise, it will be of a self-indulgent middling nature.

And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb, Looking for a little hope

I decided a couple weeks ago that I wasn’t good enough to have a blog. Not like in an objective “ability to blog” sense, but rather in an “all-encompassing critique of my life and personality and past and future” sense. Needless to say, I’ve been a little melancholy of late. It wasn’t anything you did, Internet, it’s just, well, I wasn’t smart enough or handsome enough or interesting enough for you. You were- nay, are- too good for me.

But then, what light?!

You, Internet- Friend, mother, secret lover- gave a gift unto the world that is so perfectly hilarious that I saw the sun- if only for a brief moment:

I am aware of all Internet traditions.

Best. Trolling. Ever.

If you don’t want to read the whole thread (though it’s encouraged) read John Cole’s breakdown.

Now I’m going to recede back into the darkness. Hopefully not that long from now I’ll have a thought worth sharing, but it doesn’t appear to be on the horizon.